I am confused to where boundaries come in. I used to live and love from this place and the result was decades of mistreatment and false judgment against me plus no human relationships to sustain me in times of need. I am not such a saint that this did not have an eventual, cumulative effect. This is the part of Christianity and Christ’s teachings that trouble me the most. Any small wisdom would be appreciated.
I think that boundaries are often necessary, so long as we set them up from a place of humility and love rather than pride and judgment. If we keep certain people at a distance or cut them out of our lives simply because we feel that they are bad people who do bad things to us, then this is not so good. But, on the other hand, if we recognize our own limitations, that as you said we are not yet saints and so do not have the capacity to endure evil to an unlimited degree, then setting boundaries can indeed be the healthy and wise thing to do.
To give a more concrete example: if, hypothetically, I have a certain relative who routinely mistreats me and drives me crazy, and I choose to avoid that person because I just don't want to have to deal with them, then this is perhaps not so good. But if I recognize that due to my weakness and impatience I am likely to lash out at them, or to cope with the mistreatment in a way that is unhealthy for myself and detrimental to those around me, then setting limits to my interactions with that person can actually be the most loving thing for them and for others.
The key difference is whether we approach setting boundaries out of selfishness and harshness towards the shortcomings of others, or whether we do so out of humility and acknowledgement of our own shortcomings and weaknesses. We need to be realistic about what we can actually endure, and set limits based on the extent of our own capacity to show love in a sustainable and realistic way. In doing so, our goal should always be to show love and kindness to the greatest extent we are able, and this combined with our humble awareness of our own shortcomings will draw the grace of the Holy Spirit. He in turn will comfort us and give us the grace to show such love and kindness even to those who harm and wrong us the most.
The way of true Christianity is difficult, even impossible. But "with God all things are possible," and as Christ said, "My yoke is easy and My burden is light" if we bear His yoke and His burden with humility and steadfast faith in the grace of the Holy Spirit. Christianity is the way of the Cross, but truly, "through the Cross joy has come to all the world." But we can only perceive the truth of this saying through experience born out of faithful obedience.
Does this make any sense? I fear I have begun to ramble, as I often do.
This makes perfect sense and as heartfelt replies generally mean real conversations, it’s brought up more from me. When I finally started to put boundaries down, however imperfectly, from a place of care for my own capacity, I find myself met with counter boundaries where the same people then cut me off. My inability to be a saint is seen by them as a failure on my part. Maybe I am closer to being a saint than I think I am, don’t want to be one, and they are messengers. I am quite confused and typing honestly.
Thank you for rambling. I call it out loud processing and it has led me to many divine encounters.
Thank you for writing this. I appreciate your frankness, and do increasingly think that demons are real. It's a difficult opinion to hold in the modern secular world, but it feels true nonetheless.
How should an Orthodox Christian work to cleanse himself of demons? I know that prayer, fasting, and avoiding sin are important, but are there specific prayers or practices we can incorporate that target demons directly?
I think for most of us weak sinners, it is better not to fight the demons directly, but rather to fight the passions within our own hearts, to pray more and more, and to receive the Holy Mysteries as often as possible. If we open ourselves to becoming vessels of the Holy Spirit, then He Himself will put the demons to flight. To this end, making good, frequent, and sincere confessions is the best way to cleanse and protect ourselves from demonic influence and action.
I am confused to where boundaries come in. I used to live and love from this place and the result was decades of mistreatment and false judgment against me plus no human relationships to sustain me in times of need. I am not such a saint that this did not have an eventual, cumulative effect. This is the part of Christianity and Christ’s teachings that trouble me the most. Any small wisdom would be appreciated.
Dear Marianne,
I think that boundaries are often necessary, so long as we set them up from a place of humility and love rather than pride and judgment. If we keep certain people at a distance or cut them out of our lives simply because we feel that they are bad people who do bad things to us, then this is not so good. But, on the other hand, if we recognize our own limitations, that as you said we are not yet saints and so do not have the capacity to endure evil to an unlimited degree, then setting boundaries can indeed be the healthy and wise thing to do.
To give a more concrete example: if, hypothetically, I have a certain relative who routinely mistreats me and drives me crazy, and I choose to avoid that person because I just don't want to have to deal with them, then this is perhaps not so good. But if I recognize that due to my weakness and impatience I am likely to lash out at them, or to cope with the mistreatment in a way that is unhealthy for myself and detrimental to those around me, then setting limits to my interactions with that person can actually be the most loving thing for them and for others.
The key difference is whether we approach setting boundaries out of selfishness and harshness towards the shortcomings of others, or whether we do so out of humility and acknowledgement of our own shortcomings and weaknesses. We need to be realistic about what we can actually endure, and set limits based on the extent of our own capacity to show love in a sustainable and realistic way. In doing so, our goal should always be to show love and kindness to the greatest extent we are able, and this combined with our humble awareness of our own shortcomings will draw the grace of the Holy Spirit. He in turn will comfort us and give us the grace to show such love and kindness even to those who harm and wrong us the most.
The way of true Christianity is difficult, even impossible. But "with God all things are possible," and as Christ said, "My yoke is easy and My burden is light" if we bear His yoke and His burden with humility and steadfast faith in the grace of the Holy Spirit. Christianity is the way of the Cross, but truly, "through the Cross joy has come to all the world." But we can only perceive the truth of this saying through experience born out of faithful obedience.
Does this make any sense? I fear I have begun to ramble, as I often do.
This makes perfect sense and as heartfelt replies generally mean real conversations, it’s brought up more from me. When I finally started to put boundaries down, however imperfectly, from a place of care for my own capacity, I find myself met with counter boundaries where the same people then cut me off. My inability to be a saint is seen by them as a failure on my part. Maybe I am closer to being a saint than I think I am, don’t want to be one, and they are messengers. I am quite confused and typing honestly.
Thank you for rambling. I call it out loud processing and it has led me to many divine encounters.
Thank you for writing this. I appreciate your frankness, and do increasingly think that demons are real. It's a difficult opinion to hold in the modern secular world, but it feels true nonetheless.
How should an Orthodox Christian work to cleanse himself of demons? I know that prayer, fasting, and avoiding sin are important, but are there specific prayers or practices we can incorporate that target demons directly?
I think for most of us weak sinners, it is better not to fight the demons directly, but rather to fight the passions within our own hearts, to pray more and more, and to receive the Holy Mysteries as often as possible. If we open ourselves to becoming vessels of the Holy Spirit, then He Himself will put the demons to flight. To this end, making good, frequent, and sincere confessions is the best way to cleanse and protect ourselves from demonic influence and action.
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Humbled…thank you, Brother!
This is a great article: an important and very timely message, that to be honest I probably needed to hear more than I'd like to admit. Thanks.