Thank you for such a beautifully written and vulnerable discussion of your doubt. I have doubts as well, I think all of us who try to follow a truly Christian path in the modern world do.
Unfortunately expressing doubt in Christian circles, even Orthodox circles in my experience, has been seen as a 'red flag' as they say. Expressing doubt gets you labeled as a dangerous outsider or Other. And I understand why. Many in the church feel that their way of life is threatened by the overall atheistic or diluted Christian society. Sadly, they aren't wrong.
Yet the approach to doubt should never be telling a catechumen that "maybe they aren't ready to be baptized" if they experience doubt, as I have heard myself on multiple occasions. Perhaps you disagree Gabriel, but my understanding is that even the most holy of the saints and an apostle who witnessed Jesus' miracles himself doubted. So to doubt is not to reject Christianity - properly understood, doubting the faith can be a way of coming closer to the faith, overcoming your doubts to strengthen your connection to God.
Anyway, I want you to know that your writings are important, valuable, and heard. If only by one of your brethren. Thank you for your words.
Thank you for your kind words! Please pray for me and for my monastic brotherhood.
Regarding doubt, in my opinion what it comes down to is that it is just like any other temptation and any other thought. The devil wants to use them for evil, but God allows them to come upon us because He sees He can turn it to our good. If we fight the thought and reject the temptations, if we make it into an occasion of turning more fervently toward Christ, then we will be better off than we were before the temptation came upon us. But like so many things, it is a double-edged sword... it is up to our own free will what will come of it.
Thank you for such a beautifully written and vulnerable discussion of your doubt. I have doubts as well, I think all of us who try to follow a truly Christian path in the modern world do.
Unfortunately expressing doubt in Christian circles, even Orthodox circles in my experience, has been seen as a 'red flag' as they say. Expressing doubt gets you labeled as a dangerous outsider or Other. And I understand why. Many in the church feel that their way of life is threatened by the overall atheistic or diluted Christian society. Sadly, they aren't wrong.
Yet the approach to doubt should never be telling a catechumen that "maybe they aren't ready to be baptized" if they experience doubt, as I have heard myself on multiple occasions. Perhaps you disagree Gabriel, but my understanding is that even the most holy of the saints and an apostle who witnessed Jesus' miracles himself doubted. So to doubt is not to reject Christianity - properly understood, doubting the faith can be a way of coming closer to the faith, overcoming your doubts to strengthen your connection to God.
Anyway, I want you to know that your writings are important, valuable, and heard. If only by one of your brethren. Thank you for your words.
Thank you for your kind words! Please pray for me and for my monastic brotherhood.
Regarding doubt, in my opinion what it comes down to is that it is just like any other temptation and any other thought. The devil wants to use them for evil, but God allows them to come upon us because He sees He can turn it to our good. If we fight the thought and reject the temptations, if we make it into an occasion of turning more fervently toward Christ, then we will be better off than we were before the temptation came upon us. But like so many things, it is a double-edged sword... it is up to our own free will what will come of it.